


A last goodbye (but you told me to come back)

by neowise



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22292518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neowise/pseuds/neowise
Summary: Love is only for the brave and Jaemin is a coward.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 90





	A last goodbye (but you told me to come back)

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavily inspired by NCT U's Coming Home. A lot of angst, I think. Because I cried while writing it too. It is heavily rushed too. Thank you for reading.

_Jaemin always thought the end would be painful. He was walking away from the boy he loved the most, the person who taught him what love means. Of course he could only expect pain. But as he looked at the peaceful face of Jeno who was deeply sleeping on his bed, the bed they just shared, Jaemin cannot feel any pain. For as long as Jaemin has known Jeno, he was also consistently reminded that Jeno was someone he does not deserve. It had been repeated to him so often, so repetitively, that Jaemin is assured letting go is the right choice now._

_He debated one more time with himself if he should leave a note or a letter. He doesn’t have one prepared but Jeno has a stack of post-its and loose papers and several pens on his desk so Jaemin can scribble something if he wants._

_He checked his phone again and it’s past four in the morning already. Jaemin still has to get his bags from his home and his flight is in five hours. So he decided not to write anything anymore. Jeno deserves the clean cut. He has nothing to say anyway, he can’t even feel anything now. Jaemin thought seeing Jeno for the last time would hurt. But he doesn’t feel any pain. Just emptiness._

*

“Are you bailing out on us again?” Donghyuck screams from the other side of the studio as Jaemin rushes to fix his things inside his bag.

“I have to pass tonight!” Jaemin answers.

“How will we find you a boyfriend if you never join us when we go out?” Renjun complains.

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend anyway so what’s the big deal?”

“We’re turning 28 this year, Jaem. Are you going to die a virgin?”

Jaemin scoffs. “Who said I’m a virgin?”

“You haven’t been with anyone in the last five years we’ve known you. Even if you weren’t a virgin when we met, you are considered one now because it’s been so long,” Donghyuck argues.

Jaemin laughs, because his friend makes the silliest things make sense.

“That’s a stupid logic, Lee. Anyway, I promise I’ll join you both next weekend. Tonight’s just not really good.”

Jaemin didn't really have very important plans. But he was looking forward all week for some quiet time for himself.

“Okay, Na. Take care of yourself okay,” Renjun says as Jaemin bids goodbye.

Before Jaemin managed to leave he noticed a stack of invites and brochures on top of Yeri’s desk. On top sits a brochure to Austria. An involuntary smile appeared on Jaemin’s face as nostalgia seeps into his thoughts. He would still love to see this place. He makes a mental note to ask Yeri if there is an assignment to Austria and if he will be qualified to take it. He hopes it won’t clash with his other assignments.

*

_“Hey Jen, remember when I asked you what is that one place you want to see in this lifetime? What was that place you said again?”_

_“Austria. The one where they filmed the movie The Sound of Music.”_

_“Ah yes, that one. I forgot the name.”_

_“Let’s go there together someday, Jaem. Maybe after we graduate from college? It’s only three years from now. But first, I’ll make you watch the movie.”_

_Jaemin thinks about the envelope he had hidden under his bed the night before. For months now he has been putting a small part of salary from his part time job in it. But he wasn’t able to label the envelope yet because he couldn’t remember the name of the place Jeno liked. It might take years, probably until he graduates and gets a real job, before he will be able to save enough for a plane ticket and pocket money to travel. Jeno will have to handle the accommodation. But it’s a start. He really hopes he can fulfill Jeno’s wish and see that place with him someday._

*

Jaemin loves his job. The first time he got to use a real professional camera was also the exact day he was hired. Which means he had no idea of the job and the company’s background. It was only later that he learned of the growing reputation 127 Dream as a global media company.

If it was through the normal route, Jaemin would’ve probably not been hired by the company. He didn’t have professional training nor a portfolio of his work. It was by accident he met Johnny in a hiking trail in Seoraksan. Jaemin just got back in Korea after living in Canada for more than a year. He skipped Seoul and went straight to the countryside. On his first hiking trip, he met Johnny and helped him with his stuff because the taller man’s bag broke. Jaemin got curious of the camera and Johnny asked him if he wanted to try it. So he took photos and Johnny really liked his shots. He offered Jaemin a job right there and then.

At first he thought his first successful try of taking good photos was a fluke. That it was all pure luck. He was given equipment of his own and he used one whole day taking photos around the city, just so Johnny can be given a chance to take back the job offer he hastily gave Jaemin.

It turned out Jaemin had real talent, an eye for unique and intriguing details. He may have discovered photography late but Jaemin has was really good at it. Most importantly, he worked well with Renjun and Donghyuck, two of the most promising writers of 127 Dream. The three of them got into the company around the same time and Johnny grouped them together in several assignments that all resulted to splashing reviews from their clients. After he started in this job, he started gaining confidence and his life finally found a direction.

For the last five years, Jaemin really loved his job. Until now.

There was a bounce in Jaemin’s steps as made his way to the conference room. Yeri texted him that he will be meeting a new client. His group chat with Renjun and Donghyuck had been quiet but he assumed the two were still sleeping. It was a Monday after all. Jaemin is secretly wishing it’s the Austria assignment.

The last person he expected to see that morning was Lee Jeno.

*

_“What are you doing here Jeno? Did you sneak out of your house again?” Jaemin asks, surprised to see his best friend outside his house at 10 in the evening. He himself just got home so he wonders how long had Jeno been waiting here._

_“It’s not sneaking out if no one gives me any attention anyway,” Jeno says, a hint of amusement in his voice._

_Jaemin doesn’t really understand Jeno’s situation at home. They’ve only been friends for two years. And even then, Jaemin knew their friendship had been frowned upon by a lot of people in their school._

_Jeno is their school’s golden boy, their pride and joy. Smart, comes from a good family, athletic, and one of the nicest students. Jaemin was… an outsider. He transferred in the middle of the school year after he and his mother moved to the city. He wasn't smart nor rich. Jaemin wasn't pitiful, but next to someone like Jeno, he was just a nobody._

_But it was Jeno who approached Jaemin first too and initially Jaemin thought it was out of pity. Months into their friendship, Jeno shared that he saw Jaemin reading a manga he loved so he thought they could be friends._

_They became tight friends very fast, to the point that Jeno would even spend time in Jaemin’s house. He invites Jaemin to his house too but Jaemin always declines. He’d only been there once and Jeno’s parents seemed to disapprove of him so he’d rather not go back there again. But he allows Jeno to visit whenever he wants to._

_Jaemin still doesn’t understand Jeno’s family but he doesn’t bother much about them. As long as Jeno is fine, he thinks._

_“So why are you here? We have class tomorrow. Did you ride your bike to go here?” Jaemin nags._

_“I brought you some medicine for your flu and some fruits. Your cold is going to worsen if you don’t treat it fast and you said you can’t afford to get sick now,” Jeno nags back._

_“You didn’t have to do this tonight, Jeno. You could’ve just given these tomorrow.”_

_“You need to sleep to gain strength and it’s hard to sleep when you are sniffing and sick.”_

_“Fine. I’ll take this. But you have to go home now. Your parents will get mad at you,” Jaemin says._

_“Yeah, I’m going to go home now. But why did you get home so late?” Jeno asks._

_“I did an extra shift at the cafe today so I can go to your soccer game on Saturday,” Jaemin replies. “I promised you that right?”_

_Jeno moves forward to hug Jaemin, surprising him._

_“I’m sorry for being a burden to you. But I won’t pretend that I’m not happy. I’m really happy because you’ll be coming.”_

_Jaemin returns Jeno’s squeeze hug and says, “You’re not a burden, Jeno. I really want to cheer for you too.”_

*

“Hey, good to see you again,” Jaemin tries to say to begin his conversation with Jeno. Jaemin was momentarily shocked but it’s still office hours and he was here for a job assignment.

But to Jaemin’s disappointment, Jeno only raised his left eyebrow and looked at the man next to him.

The man introduced himself as Kim Doyoung, Jeno’s executive assistant. Before  
Jaemin can reply, Donghyuck and Taeil, their company’s account manager, entered the room. Several other staff followed and the meeting started.

The assignment was fairly easy, a photo shoot and a special feature on Lee Jeno as one of the most influential names in the IT and Communication industries for Vogue.

Jaemin wasn't really assigned much of fashion photoshoots but Donghyuck was specifically picked for the project. Jaemin can always decline, he knows this. But before he can speak out to suggest it, Jeno already did it first.

"I hope everyone will work fast and finish through until the end," Jeno says. "I really don't have much time on my hands. I trust 127 Dream and Vogue teams won't abandon the project out of nowhere."

It was a jab at Jaemin and he knows it. Too bad in that room, only he and Jeno know it. So Jaemin missed the opportunity to back out, now he just has to complete it as professionally as possible.

*

_"You smoke? Since when?" Jeno asks as he appears out of nowhere, surprising Jaemin._

_He hastily throws the cigarette to the ground and steps on it._

_"It's only been a few weeks. It just helps with the stress and last year in high school is a ball of stress," Jaemin says._

_Jeno only nods and doesn't ask anything more. Jaemin is not sure if he approves or he is repulsed by it._

_"Don't worry I won't smoke when you are around. I don't want to put your health at risk," he says._

_"Now that you've said it, I don't want you to risk your health too. Maybe next time you are stressed you can come find me first," Jeno says. "I'll hold your hand until the stress lessens and the temptation to smoke goes away."_

_It sounds so ridiculous yet so Jeno. Jaemin thinks that moment was a turning point in their relationship. Or at least for him because he realized how much he can sacrifice for Jeno. Jaemin never smoked again after that day._

*  
"So you're telling we are doing a feature on your ex, someone we never heard about until now, and you simply agreed to it?" Donghyuck says.

"I didn't think it was important before, Hyuck. The only reason I'm telling you now is because the shoot is next week already and you will be writing about his life."

"His life… that would surely include bits and pieces of you," Renjun adds.

"We're not sure about that. He might not even talk about me. Maybe I'm just assuming he will but in fact I'm not significant to his life anymore now. I'm just asking you if he indeed hints about me, please don't pursue that angle anymore and change the topic."

"I can do that, Jaem. Lee Jeno is the most talked about bachelor in Korea right now. There are hundreds of topics I can write about him without talking about you. But will you really be okay with this? Working with him?"

"It's been seven years since I left. That chapter in my life has long ended."

*  
_In retrospect, Jaemin has always been insecure of his relationship with Jeno._

_During their high school days, it was understandable. He was an outsider who suddenly gained the attention of their most precious golden boy. He was threatened to stay away by Jeno’s admirers and friends. But it was Jeno who kept sticking to him and Jaemin never really cared about what others were saying anyway._

_The hardest part during high school was the discrimination of their teachers. Jaemin was barely passing his grades, he was often asleep during classes, and he talked roughly to others who often tried to intimidate him. So it was obvious he doesn’t really gain his teachers’ favor. His best friend never told him but Jaemin knows Jeno was even called to the guidance counselor’s office in case he wanted to confess that he was being bullied by Jaemin to be his friend. Jeno bought him ice cream that day on their way home._

_Jaemin was serving detention during the evaluation for their class valedictorian so he overheard things by accident. The teachers were all praising Jeno’s grades and extra curricular activities._

_“Too bad he is always hanging out with the wrong crowd. Jeno can go places and be someone really great. If only he’ll survive not being corrupted,” their homeroom teacher says._

_“I hope Jeno’s parents succeed in putting distance between him and Jaemin. They’ve consulted me about it and I think they have plans,” their school principal says._

_Jaemin waited for Jeno to say goodbye. But it never happened. They didn’t manage to go to the same university but Jeno moved out of his family’s house and lived in between their campuses._

_And Jaemin believed, now that high school was over, he can break out of the stigma that he is bad for his best friend._

_But college was really just another high school, only bigger and with more deadlines._

_Jaemin didn’t get taunted or threatened anymore. But he was still ostracized by Jeno’s new world. The gap between Jeno and Jaemin changed from grades and allowances to social invites and academic opportunities. And Jaemin had to watch Jeno reject people over and over again just because he always chooses Jaemin over them._

_Jaemin tried so hard to fit in. If there were chances that Jeno brings him to college parties, he tries his best to charming and friendly. But it always ends up in a mess. One time it was because he didn’t know the girl talking to him had a possessive boyfriend. The other time because someone spiked his drink and got so wasted, puking on the sofa. The last time was because someone called him Jeno’s charity case. It was Jeno who got in trouble that time._

_But the social gap was the least of Jaemin’s worry. The heavier issue was when he found out that Jeno turned down a scholarship overseas and threatened his parents to cut off ties when they tried stopping him from enrolling in a university in Seoul. Jaemin wonders if that was because of him but Jeno said it wasn’t. It was simply his own choice. Jaemin believed that, until he found out that Jeno rejected a prestigious internship abroad that could give him the opportunity to work for an international company._

_That’s when Jaemin realized that he is selfish. He never asked about it because he wants Jeno to stay in his life. And Jeno’s decision to choose him was all his anyway._

_Every night Jaemin prays that Jeno won’t get tired of him. That Jeno will stay._

*  
To Jaemin’s surprise, the collaboration project with Vogue went smoothly.

The interview went first because Jaemin needed night shots on the rooftop of the Lee Enterprise building.

Donghyuck texted him that he and Jeno didn’t talk about him and only brushed lightly on Jeno’s college days.

The first hour of the photoshoot indoors also went on without a hitch. They were both professionals and there were many staff around them anyway.

“It’s 4 p.m. now. I think we can start moving to the rooftop so we can get best shots of dusk to night,” Jaemin tells his team.

But on the way up, Jeno ushered Jaemin to the private elevator that only Jeno and his immediate staff can use while Jaemin’s team used the regular elevators.

Jaemin couldn’t protest without making a scene and that’s he found himself alone with Jeno in an elevator going up 40 floors after seven years.

“Did you warn Donghyuck about me?” Jeno asks. This took Jaemin by surprise. It’s Jeno’s first direct statement to Jaemin and it’s about his colleague.

“Warn about what?” he says nervously.

“I don’t know. Whatever you don’t like about me. I’m not sure if you hate me or you just feel disgusted. But it was so obvious Donghyuck was avoiding to talk about you, cutting off my stories in the most polite way he can,” Jeno says, his tone still monotonous.

Jaemin will have to scold Donghyuck a lot later.

“I don’t hate you. Why would I hate you? Disgust? That’s not possible, Jen.”

“Don’t… please don’t say my name.”

The coldness hits Jaemin. The elevator was moving too slow.

“Oh. I’m sorry. But I don’t hate you. You should be the one hating me.”

This makes Jeno laugh bitterly. He then pressed the elevator’s stop button. Jaemin was shocked because they were just on the 30th floor, still 12 floors to go. The elevator stopped but it was still on, must be a special feature for the CEO’s private use.

Jaemin wasn’t able to protest Jeno’s action because he already pressed him to the wall.

“So you think I should be hating you? Then you do believe you are guilty of something? Because god damn Jaemin, I spent seven years going around the feeling of hating myself for pushing you away and hating you for leaving me so easily. I don’t even know who to really hate at this point.”

Jaemin is speechless.

“Why did you leave me? Did I do something to hurt you? Why didn’t you give me a chance to apologize and just cut off me so coldly like all the years we had together didn’t even matter?”

“It’s not… that wasn’t the case.”

“Then why?!” Jeno screams, angry tears falling from his beautiful face. “Why did you leave? We exchanged I love yous, we had sex, then you left so abruptly without notice or even a goodbye letter. And you made it close to impossible for me to find you! Were you disgusted we slept together?!”

“No… that’s no.. Jeno that’s not it.”

“Did you realize you didn’t really love me? Because you should’ve just said so. We could have gone back to being best friends. I would still choose that rather than losing you completely.”

“Jeno, I love you. I loved you in the most real way I can love someone. It’s the reason I left.”

“Stop lying to me Jaemin. Can’t you still be honest to me now? It’s been seven years and when this project ends we won’t see each other again. Can’t you give me the truth now so I can stop wondering what I did so wrong to be abandoned like that?” Jeno whispers angrily. His voice feels so defeated and tired that Jaemin thinks his heart is being ripped apart.

“I’m not lying, Jen,” Jaemin says, bravely reaching for Jeno’s cheek to wipe his tears. Jaemin can feel his own tears rolling on his face. “Maybe my answers will sound absurd to you and will not satisfy you but I cannot lie to you. I’m really sorry for hurting you. I loved you too much back then that leaving you was the only choice I had. Maybe you cannot see it, but that was my form of love. I’m really sorry.”

It was silent for a few seconds and Jeno moved away from Jaemin to push the door open button.

“You’re a coward, Jaemin,” he says.

“Tell the team the photoshoot is cancelled for today. We will just reschedule,” Jeno says, walking out on the 30th floor. Jaemin falls to the floor the moment the door closed but picked himself up by the time it reaches to the 42nd floor. He talks to his team and Jeno’s staff calmly. But Jeno’s words still replaying on his head.

*  
_Jaemin's mother dies before his last year in college. His mother wasn't very healthy but Jaemin didn't know she was actually sick._

_The funeral was fast, there was only Jaemin and his mother his whole life anyway. And Jeno, dear sweet Jeno who stayed for the whole funeral like he was her son too._

_Jaemin only cried after the burial. Jeno comforted him, wiped his tears, and hugged him._

_"I only had my mother," Jaemin says in between tears. "Now I'm truly alone."_

_"Jaemin, you have me. You are not alone. You always have me. I will be your friend, your family always."_

_It could have been a promise born out of compassion or pity over losing a parent. But Jaemin knows Jeno, trusts him enough to know his words are not promises. He was stating a fact, simply reminding Jaemin that he will always have him._

*

Jaemin had no choice but to tell Donghyuck and Renjun of what happened in the elevator. They knew something went wrong when it was announced Jeno re-scheduled the second part of the photoshoot. But Jaemin didn’t really mind telling his friends. He needs to tell someone or else he will explode.

Most importantly, he needs to talk to Jeno again. Now that the dam has been broken, they can’t go on not talking about it. Jaemin did owe Jeno an apology and a closure.

So Jaemin committed his first work violation and messaged a company client privately.

Surprisingly, Jeno replied fast. He said he was going to contact Jaemin on his own too but Jaemin just managed to message him first.

Jeno invited Jaemin to his home, saying it’s best not to draw public attention.

But as Jaemin sits on Jeno’s living room now, it feels like he walked into the lion’s den unprepared.

“Hey,” Jeno says, tossing Jaemin an apron. “Still know how to cook that tomato pasta tomato pasta you used to do?”

Speechless, Jaemin simply nods. He picks the apron and walked with Jeno to the kitchen. “I’ve learned other recipes too or maybe we can experiment with what you have here?”

“No, I want the one you used to make. It’s my favorite and I haven’t tasted it in years,” Jeno says.

Jaemin’s heart is beating so fast and he feels dumbstruck. “Okay, sure. Let’s cook”

“You do the pasta, I’ll do the steak,” Jeno says.

They worked around the kitchen quietly and efficiently, only talking when Jaemin needed to find the utensils and ingredients.

An hour later, the table was set up and Jeno immediately went for the pasta.

“It smelled so good when you were cooking it,” Jeno says. After tasting it, Jeno flashed Jaemin his sweet eye smile.

“This is the best peace offering,” Jeno says.

Jaemin felt his heart fall. “I… I have a lot to apologize for. You deserve more than a home-cooked pasta for a peace offering.”

Jeno shakes his head. “Eat up. And no, I probably deserve it too. Whatever happened, it was both our fault.”

“No, Jen. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are right, I was a coward. I am still now. The only reason I’m trying to be brave now is because I don’t want you to go on blaming yourself.”

Jaemin promised to himself he won’t cry. But it’s easier said than done.

Jeno slowly placed his utensils down and moved nearer to Jaemin’s seat.

“Every relationship consists of two people, Jaem. If something went wrong, it can’t be entirely one person’s fault. Yes you were the one who left but I probably did something for you to want to leave too. And I want to know that too so I can also ask for your forgiveness.”

This time, it’s Jaemin who reached for Jeno’s hand first.

“But that’s the point Jen. You didn’t do anything wrong. You loved me so much and yet I still left you. Because I cannot love you right no matter what I do.”

Jaemin wiped his tears and continued. “You were giving up so much being with me. Opportunities, people who could give you more, a better life. I was pulling you down. I was so afraid that time will come there is nothing more I could give you other than grief. I wanted to save you from that. I know it’s hard to believe it now but I love you so much, enough to let you go.”

“See, Jaem. That was my mistake. I wasn’t able to make you feel secure enough that I was happy being with you. It was really a big oversight on my part, thinking we were happy just because I was happy. We were finally together. I was busy planning official dates we could go to in my head and thinking of ways how to make you move in that I didn’t notice you were going through these negative thoughts.”

“It wasn’t...that wasn’t supposed to be your concern anyway. It was all me and my insecurity and cowardice.”

“Everything about you is my concern, Jaem. Then and even now. There is no one in my life who held as much importance as you.”

“I’m really sorry for doubting you. For doubting us. For leaving you like that,” Jaemin says.

“In the past seven years, there were so many moments I needed you but you were not there,” Jeno says, squeezing Jaemin’s hand. “I think it was those moments that I started getting angry at you more than blaming myself. But even when you weren’t there, I would comfort myself by thinking what would you have done if you were there. What would you have told me.”

“Even when you left, I still believed in you. Even when I was mad at you, I still got strength from your memory. I should’ve tried harder to look for you but I knew you deserve the space away from me too. But I cannot give that to you anymore now that I’ve found you again. Jaemin, please don’t walk away from me anymore again.”

“Do you really want me back in your life? Do I deserve this? I hurt you so badly.”

“And I forgive you. I am asking for your forgiveness too. And we should learn to forgive ourselves too. But we must do it together.”

“How will this work? Seven years was a long time, Jen.”

“It’s going to be awkward the first few days I guess. But you are Jaemin and I am Jeno. No matter what happened in those seven years, whoever we may be now, I have faith in us. If you want to take it slow, we can start from being friends again.”

This time Jaemin laughs. “Sure, that’s okay. But I’m not taking back my confession to you years ago. Remember, I said I love you first.”

“Okay, no going back to friends. I don’t think I can do that too,” Jeno says before reaching out to kiss Jaemin on the lips. “You said I love you first but remember, I kissed you first.”

*

_It’s only been three months but Jaemin thinks he is going to die in Vancouver. It’s so much colder in Canada than in South Korea. He tries not to think of home that often but Canada’s cold winter always brings out his worst thoughts._  
_But the memory of home always hounds him. He opened his email to check if he got the job he was applying when he saw an email from Jeno sitting on top of his inbox. He debated whether to read it or not, because he won’t be replying anyway. He also made a mental note to make a new email asap. He really forgot that Jeno knew this one._

_Clicking the mail is the best way to get it over with, Jaemin thinks._

**_Hi Jaemin. I am not sure if you will read this. I am not even sure if you still open this email address. Not being sure about what you would do is a very unfamiliar feeling for me. Because I always thought we knew each other so well that that there is no room for petty things like this._ **

**_Obviously, I am still in denial that you left. I’m still waiting for you to come home. The door to my house is always open for you. Whenever you want to come home. Even if it’s now. I can wait. I will keep emailing you here my address just in case I change and you will need it._ **

**_More than the pain of you leaving, I am even sadder that you left without saying goodbye. I was worried for days that you were hurt. Your house was empty and I can’t contact you. A week later I found out you’ve leased out already and all your social media accounts were wiped out. I guess you really wanted to cut off any form of communication with me completely. So I’m stupid for still writing this letter._ **

**_I’m really sorry, Jaem._ **

**_I’m sorry for this letter. And a lot more I don’t know about. I’ll figure it out too soon._ **

**_I know I should be writing a better letter to you, something that will convince you to take me back in your life. But all I can think about now is how you told me you love me after I kissed you during your graduation night. I was surprised by my own boldness at that time too. You looked so lovely under the artificial lights of your campus grounds and we both graduated already and I just wanted to kiss you. Because we were starting a new chapter of our lives. I wasn’t asking for anything in return. Did I pressure you with that kiss?_ **

**_But then you said you love me. You said it first. And I was over the moon. It was official now, our love._ **

**_We’ve known each other since we were 14 but we were only together for seven days. Or are we still together now? I don’t know. We haven’t really broken up. In my mind, we haven’t yet._ **

**_I don’t know what to do with my life now, Jaem. It’s been three months and I’m still lost. I’m sorry for burdening you with these words but I’m still stuck here. How long will it take for me to move on? How long did it take for you?_ **

**_I have so many things I want to ask. But all I can think about now is that I hope you are eating well and you are not sick. I hope whatever you want in life, you will achieve it. And I still hope, someday, there will be a place for me in your life again. If you don’t want to come home, Jaem, then let me follow you._ **

**_I love you._ **

**_Jeno._ **

_Jaemin closed the letter and cried for a whole hour. He was so tempted to reply, to ask Jeno to come and get him back. Then an email from the job he was waiting for arrived in his mail. He was hired as an assistant manager to an Italian restaurant. All the part time jobs he did while in college looked well in his resume for this job. It was too cold in Vancouver now. Jaemin didn’t want Jeno to experience this cold._

*

As soon as Jaemin arrived at the office, he immediately went to Donghyuck’s desk and placed a bottle of expensive wine on top of it.

“Jeno told me to give this to you. As a thank you gift for the article you did and an apology for making you do the interview twice,” he says.

Donghyuck smiles so widely and inspects the wine. “A worthy gift for making me do my task twice. Tell Jeno I said thank you.”

“So are you two back together now? When are we meeting him officially as your boyfriend?” Renjun asks.

“He said we never really broke up so yes we are together now. He wants to meet both of you too,” Jaemin says.

“Are you really okay now? I know I heard it straight from him and even wrote about it but I want to hear it from you too,” Donghyuck says.

“The years we were apart really helped fix us. I think we are both better now and I have high hopes that our relationship will be better too. Of course, there are new struggles. Jeno is standing on an even higher pedestal now compared to seven years ago.”

“Jaemin…” Renjun interrupts.

“No it’s okay. Even if that’s the case I’m not going to be scared anymore. I think I see it now, that I have a place next to him wherever he may go. It’s a place that he only wants me to have.”

“That’s a good thing. No matter how long you both have known each other, a relationship is still something to be worked on everyday,” Renjun says.

“You both deserve to be happy,” Donghyuck adds.

Jaemin takes to heart the words his friends said. He is grateful for them and for Jeno for making him feel loved everyday. Jaemin isn’t afraid of love anymore.


End file.
